Rollye James talk show content

Over the holidays (Christmas 2007) I read a few old stories. You asked I put them online-- sorry it took a couple weeks. Here they are:

This first one is more of an urban legend. It's been around since at least 1960, and probably before. But it's still fun, so here you go:

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

You also asked for the Beaver letter-- and this one is absolutely true. Lots of versions online, but Snopes got the scoop, including some interesting background and bureaucratic back-peddling You can read it all here, or if you're lazy, here you go:

David L. Price
District Representative
Land and Water Management Division
Grand Rapids District Office
State Office Bldg., 6th Floor
350 Ottawa, N.W.
Grand Rapids, MI 49503-2341

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to. You sent out a great deal of carbon copies to a lot of people, but you neglected to include their addresses. You will, therefore, have to send them a copy of my response. First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan - I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, nor authorize their dam project, I think they would be highly offended you call their skillful use of natural building materials "debris". I would like to challenge you to attempt to emulate their dam project any dam time and/or any dam place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no dam way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their dam work ethic.

As to your dam request the beavers first must fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity, my first dam question to you is: are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers or do you require all dam beavers throughout this State to conform to said dam request? If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, please send me completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits.

Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws annotated.

My first concern is - aren't the dam beavers entitled to dam legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said dam representation - so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing dam flooding is proof we should leave the dam Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the dam stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition - contact the dam beavers - but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously did not pay any dam attention to your dam letter -- being unable to read English) - be sure you read them their dam Miranda first. As for me, I am not going to cause more dam flooding or dam debris jams by interfering with these dam builders. If you want to hurt these dam beavers - be aware I am sending a copy of your dam letter and this response to PETA.

If your dam Department seriously finds all dams of this nature inherently hazardous and truly will not permit their existence in this dam State - I seriously hope you are not selectively enforcing this dam policy - or once again both I and the Spring Pond Beavers will scream prejudice! In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their dam unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I to live and enjoy Spring Pond.

So, as far as I and the beavers are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more dam elevated enforcement action now. Why wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and there will be no dam way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real environmental quality (health) problem; bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the dam beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!)

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am commanding you to build an Ark." And in a flash of lightning, He delivered the specifica- tions for an Ark.

"Okay," said Noah, trembling with fear and fumbling with the blueprints. "Six months, and it starts to rain," thundered the Lord. "You'd better have the Ark completed, or learn to swim for a very long time."

Six months passed, the skies clouded up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. .....And there was no Ark. "Noah!" shouted the Lord, "Where is the Ark?

"Lord, please forgive me!" begged Noah. "I did my best. But there were big problems. First, I had to get a building permit for the Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to re-draw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.

Then I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the Spotted Owl. I had to convince the U.S. Fish and Wildlife that I need the wood to save the Owls. But they wouldn't let me catch any owls. So, no owls. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or hammer. Now we have sixteen carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.

Then I started gathering up animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your proposed flood. They didn't take kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of a Supreme Being. Then the Army Corp of Engineers wanted a map of the pro- posed new flood plain. I sent them a globe.

Right now, I'm still trying to resolve a complaint from the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission over how many African Americans I'm supposed to hire. The IRS has seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country. And I just got a notice from the state about owing them some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish the Ark for at least another five years," Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled. "You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?" Noah asked hopefully. "No!!" said the Lord sadly. "The government already has."

Had a request today (Monday 11/5/07) for some Hermann Goering thoughts I mentioned a while back. Happy to share it here. The conversation has been verified as accurate. First, you've got to know the set up. Goering was in a Nuremberg jail speaking with Gustave Gilbert, a US intelligence officer.

Goering claimed: "Why, of course the people don't want war! Why would some poor slob on a farm want to risk his life in a war when the best that he can get out of it is to come back to his farm in one piece. Naturally, the common people don't want war-- neither in Russian nor in England nor in America, nor for that matter in Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is the leaders of the country who determine the policy and it is always a simple matter to drag the people along, whether it is a democracy or a fascist dictatorship or a Parliament or a Communist dictatorship."

Gilbert disagreed, "There is a difference. In a democracy the people have some say in the matter through their elected representatives, and in the United States only Congress can declare wars."

"Oh, that is all well and good, but voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same way in any country."

The Honorable Paul S. Sarbanes
309 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Sarbanes,

As a native Marylander and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Immigration and Naturalization Service in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My reasons for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, what I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out. Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications. If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative.

Thank you for your recent letter roundly criticizing our treatment of the Taliban and Al Quaeda detainees currently being held at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

Our administration takes these matters seriously and your opinion was heard loud and clear here in Washington at both the White House and the Pentagon.

You'll be pleased to learn that, thanks to the concerns of citizens like yourself, we are creating a new division of the Terrorist Retraining Program, to be called the "Liberals Accept Responsibility for Killers" program, or LARK for short.

In accordance with the guidelines of this new program, we have decided to place one terrorist under your personal care. Your personal detainee has been selected and scheduled for transportation under heavily armed guard to your residence next Monday.

Ali Mohammed Ahmed bin Mahmud (you can just call him Ahmed) is to be cared for pursuant to the standards you personally demanded in your letter of complaint. It will likely be necessary for you to hire some assistant caretakers.

We will conduct weekly inspections to ensure that your standards of care for Ahmed are Commensurate with those you so strongly recommended in your letter.

Although Ahmed is a sociopath and extremely violent, we hope that your sensitivity to what you described as his "attitudinal problem" will help him overcome these character flaws. Perhaps you are correct in describing these problems as mere cultural differences. We understand that you plan to offer counseling and home schooling.

Your adopted terrorist is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or nail clippers. We advise that you do not ask him to demonstrate these skills at your next yoga group. He is also expert at making a wide variety of explosive devices from common household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, unless (in your opinion) this might offend him.

Ahmed will not wish to interact with you or your daughters (except sexually), since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that he will recommend as more appropriate attire.

I'm sure you will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the burka -- over time.

Just remember that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" -- wasn't that how you put it?

Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember, we'll be watching.

And you also wanted a copy of the Congressional Record for January 10, 1963, where the (then) current communist goals were entered. Get ready, it's long-- but truly frightening. Remember this is the beginning of 1963. Kennedy is still alive, long before LBJ's horror "The Great Society", long before many of today's tribulations. This is absolutely for real. Read it and weep.

Mr. HERLONG. Mr. Speaker, Mrs. Patricia Nordman of De Land, Fla., is an ardent and articulate opponent of communism, and until recently published the De Land Courier, which she dedicated to the purpose of alerting the public to the dangers of communism in America.

At Mrs. Nordman's request, I include in the RECORD, under unanimous consent, the following "Current Communist Goals," which she identifies as an excerpt from "The Naked Communist," by Cleon Skousen:

3. Develop the illusion that total disarmament [by] the United States would be a demonstration of moral strength.

4. Permit free trade between all nations regardless of Communist affiliation and regardless of whether or not items could be used for war.

8. Set up East and West Germany as separate states in spite of Khrushchev's promise in 1955 to settle the German question by free elections under supervision of the U.N.

9. Prolong the conferences to ban atomic tests because the United States has agreed to suspend tests as long as negotiations are in progress.

11. Promote the U.N. as the only hope for mankind. If its charter is rewritten, demand that it be set up as a one-world government with its own independent armed forces. (Some Communist leaders believe the world can be taken over as easily by the U.N. as by Moscow. Sometimes these two centers compete with each other as they are now doing in the Congo.)

16. Use technical decisions of the courts to weaken basic American institutions by claiming their activities violate civil rights.

17. Get control of the schools. Use them as transmission belts for socialism and current Communist propaganda. Soften the curriculum. Get control of teachers' associations. Put the party line in textbooks.

19. Use student riots to foment public protests against programs or organizations which are under Communist attack.

20. Infiltrate the press. Get control of book-review assignments, editorial writing, policymaking positions.

22. Continue discrediting American culture by degrading all forms of artistic expression. An American Communist cell was told to "eliminate all good sculpture from parks and buildings, substitute shapeless, awkward and meaningless forms."

23. Control art critics and directors of art museums. "Our plan is to promote ugliness, repulsive, meaningless art."

24. Eliminate all laws governing obscenity by calling them "censorship" and a violation of free speech and free press.

25. Break down cultural standards of morality by promoting pornography and obscenity in books, magazines, motion pictures, radio, and TV.

26. Present homosexuality, degeneracy and promiscuity as "normal, natural, healthy."

27. Infiltrate the churches and replace revealed religion with "social" religion. Discredit the Bible and emphasize the need for intellectual maturity which does not need a "religious crutch."

28. Eliminate prayer or any phase of religious expression in the schools on the ground that it violates the principle of "separation of church and state."

29. Discredit the American Constitution by calling it inadequate, old-fashioned, out of step with modern needs, a hindrance to cooperation between nations on a worldwide basis.

30. Discredit the American Founding Fathers. Present them as selfish aristocrats who had no concern for the "common man."

31. Belittle all forms of American culture and discourage the teaching of American history on the ground that it was only a minor part of the "big picture." Give more emphasis to Russian history since the Communists took over.

32. Support any socialist movement to give centralized control over any part of the culture--education, social agencies, welfare programs, mental health clinics, etc.

33. Eliminate all laws or procedures which interfere with the operation of the Communist apparatus.

38. Transfer some of the powers of arrest from the police to social agencies. Treat all behavioral problems as psychiatric disorders which no one but psychiatrists can understand [or treat].

39. Dominate the psychiatric profession and use mental health laws as a means of gaining coercive control over those who oppose Communist goals.

40. Discredit the family as an institution. Encourage promiscuity and easy divorce.

41. Emphasize the need to raise children away from the negative influence of parents. Attribute prejudices, mental blocks and retarding of children to suppressive influence of parents.

42. Create the impression that violence and insurrection are legitimate aspects of the American tradition; that students and special-interest groups should rise up and use ["]united force["] to solve economic, political or social problems.

43. Overthrow all colonial governments before native populations are ready for self-government.

45. Repeal the Connally reservation so the United States cannot prevent the World Court from seizing jurisdiction [over domestic problems. Give the World Court jurisdiction] over nations and individuals alike.

The USA is going to replace the national symbol, an eagle-- with something more fitting. A condom. Why? Because it more accurately reflects our current government's political stance. A condom allowsk for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while you're actually being screwed.

South Dakota News:
This text is from a county emergency manager out in the
western part of South Dakota state after the recent snow storm.

WEATHER BULLETIN

Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a Historic event --- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow
and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of
motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and
cut power to 10's of thousands .FYI:

George Bush did not come....
FEMA did nothing....
No one howled for the government...
No one blamed the government
No one even uttered an expletive on TV...
Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit
Our Mayor's did not blame Bush or anyone else
Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else either
CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snow storm
Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.....
No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House....
No one looted....
Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something
Nobody expected the government to do anything either
No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera
No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Streisand, No Hollywood types to be found

Nope, we just melted the snow for water
Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars
The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny
Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments
delivered it to the snow bound families
Families took in the stranded people - total strangers
We Fired up wood stoves
Broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns
We put on an extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die"
We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early...we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves."In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about
48 degrees North Latitude, 90% most of the world's social problems evaporate."

And another new element... plenty of versions of this, and similar to last year's adminstratium (below) but there are some nice touches-- so here it is:

Amajor research institution has recently announced the discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to science. The new element tentatively has been named... "Governmentium."

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 11 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since governmentium has zero electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction in excess of 4 days to respond when it would normally take less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a restructuring in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each shuffle, so to speak, will cause some morons to mix with neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."... and you will know it, when you feel it!

Monday April 25, 2005 --a few requests for this. I've had it for years and have no idea where it orignated-- but ain't it the truth?

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then to loosen up. Inevitably though, one thought led to another and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone "to relax" I told myself, but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me and finally I was thinking all the time.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking "What is it exactly we are doing here?"

Things weren't going so well at home either. One evening I had turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent the night at her mother's.

I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day the boss called me in. He said, "Skippy, I like you and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking."
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce."
"But honey surely it's not that serious."
"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently, and she began to cry. I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed. To this day I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

As I sank to the ground clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today, a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each one we watch a non-educational video. Last week it was "Porky's". Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed... easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking."

Monday April 26, 2004... you asked for it, here it is: (It's allegedly written by a high school kid in Arizona but who knows? It's good regardless.)

Now I sit me down in school
Where praying is against the rule
For this great nation under God
Finds mention of Him very odd.

If Scripture now the class recites,
It violates the Bill of Rights.
And anytime my head I bow
Becomes a Federal matter now.

Our hair can be purple, orange or green,
That's no offense; it's a freedom scene.
The law is specific, the law is precise.
Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

For praying in a public hall
Might offend someone with no faith at all.
In silence alone we must meditate,
God's name is prohibited by the state.

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,
And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.
They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.
To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

We can elect a pregnant Senior Queen,
And the 'unwed daddy,' our Senior King.
It's "inappropriate" to teach right from wrong,
We're taught that such "judgments" do not belong.

We can get our condoms and birth controls,
Study witchcraft, vampires and totem poles.
But the Ten Commandments are not allowed,
No word of God must reach this crowd.

It's scary here I must confess,
When chaos reigns the school's a mess.
So, Lord, this silent plea I make:
Should I be shot; My soul please take!
Amen

Thursday October 23, 2003... lots of requests for this, so here you go:

Probable cause announced at Worcester Polytechnic Institute on October 8, 2003

TWA Flight 800 Probable Cause Announced

Flight 800 Independent Researchers Organization (FIRO) announced their probable cause determination for the 1996 crash of TWA Flight 800 during a talk at Worcester Polytechnic Institute (WPI) on October 8th, 2003. The talk, entitled "TWA Flight 800 and Official Obfuscation" and sponsored by the student group "Power of One," contained graphics and animations that called into question several key findings in the government's official crash report. TWA Flight 800 exploded and crashed off the coast of Long Island, NY in the summer of 1996. Although dozens of eyewitnesses were sure they saw a missile, federal investigators took four years to release an ultimately inconclusive final report. FIRO has documented evidence the government concealed, omitted, and misrepresented during the investigation. Much of this evidence was used by FIRO to buttress their findings, which purportedly account for more evidence than the government's theory of a spark inside a fuel tank. FIRO Chairman Dr. Thomas Stalcup gave the talk, which focused on the government's mishandling of key pieces of evidence that conflicted with a preconceived crash scenario. That evidence was then shown to support a theory for the crash that accounts for nearly all of the available evidence. The talk concluded with the release of FIRO's findings and their own probable cause determination.

Findings

Radar data shows the first pieces of wreckage hurling out the right side of TWA Flight 800, landing in an area not listed in the NTSB debris field database. This wreckage was confirmed recovered by the Navy more than 1/2 mile south of the flight path.

Objects consistent with incendiary pellets used in missile warheads were found during victim autopsy exams.

Explosive traces consistent with explosives used in missile warheads were found throughout the wreckage. The traces that were found in a cargo compartment cannot be explained by an alleged explosives spill, during a bomb detection exercise conducted in the passenger cabin weeks earlier.

Overwhelming statistical evidence from hundreds of eyewitnesses is consistent with an ocean-launched surface-to-air missile and its subsequent impact with TWA Flight 800 at an altitude of 13,700 feet.
Based on radar data and the law of conservation of energy, TWA Flight 800, at no time during its crash sequence, climbed as depicted in government animations.

Probable Cause

A surface-to-air missile, launched from the ocean off the coast of Long Island rose up and exploded at or near TWA Flight 800. The explosion of the near-empty center wing fuel tank was a secondary explosion, initiated by the explosion of a missile warhead. The combined destructive power of the missile and the fuel tank explosion caused catastrophic structural failure of TWA Flight 800.
Supporting Documentation

The National Transportation Safety Board (NTSB) concluded that the probable cause for the crash of TWA Flight 800 in July 1996 was an explosion within the aircraft's center wing fuel tank. Neither the ignition source nor its location within the tank "could be determined from the available evidence."[1] Flight 800 Independent Researchers Organization (FIRO) reviewed the NTSB's findings and probable cause determination in detail and found several errors and omissions that required further review. In July 2002, FIRO filed a petition with the NTSB requesting that these errors and omissions be corrected in a revised accident report.[2] The petition explained in detail that evidence which conflicted with the official probable cause for the crash, was not adequately investigated, or was withheld from certain investigative parties and the public. Nearly a year after receiving the petition, the NTSB responded by simply dismissing a majority of FIRO's assertions without even a cursory review.[3] FIRO believes that the probable cause for the crash of TWA Flight 800 was an explosion caused by an external ignition source. Radar data [4, 5], forensic analyses [6, 7], debris field evidence [4], secret government test results [8], and multiple eyewitness observations [9, 10] all suggest that the external ignition source was most likely a surface-to-air missile. FIRO does not intend to ascribe theories as to why a missile may have been fired. Rather, the main goals of FIRO are to factually establish that an external initiating event caused the demise of TWA Flight 800, and to compel the proper investigative agencies to re-open the TWA Flight 800 investigation so that the cause of the accident may be firmly established. Parties interested in assisting FIRO with its investigation or liaison contacts with the United States government shouldvar name = "firo";var server = "flight800.org";var cString = "contact FIRO Chairman Dr. Thomas Stalcup.";document.writeln(cString);contact FIRO Chairman Dr. Thomas Stalcup.

About FIRO

Formed in April of 1999, FIRO is a group dedicated to uncovering and publicizing the facts surrounding the crash of TWA Flight 800. Its membership includes former airline crash investigators, scientists, engineers, and aviation professionals.

References

1. NTSB, AIRCRAFT ACCIDENT REPORT, In-flight Breakup Over the Atlantic Ocean, Trans World Airlines Flight 800, Boeing 747-131, N93119, Near East Moriches, New York, July 17, 1996. NTSB Public Docket, 2000. 2. FIRO Petition http://flight800.org/petition/pet_contents.htm 3. NTSB Response to FIRO Petition
http://www.flight800.org/petition/doc_1.htm
http://www.flight800.org/petition/doc_2_p1.htm
http://www.flight800.org/petition/doc_2_p2.htm
http://www.flight800.org/petition/doc_2_p3.htm
4. FIRO Petition: Section 4 http://flight800.org/petition/pet_sect4.htm 5. FIRO Petition: Section 7 http://flight800.org/petition/pet_sect7.htm 6. FIRO Petition: Section 2 http://flight800.org/petition/pet_sect2.htm 7. FIRO Petition: Section 3 http://flight800.org/petition/pet_sect3.htm 8. Flight 800's Secret Archive http://flight800.org/secret_documents.htm 9. FIRO Petition: Section 8 http://flight800.org/petition/pet_sect8.htm 10. FIRO Petition: Section 10 http://flight800.org/petition/pet_sect9.htm
FIRO's Main Page - Email this URL to a friend © MMIII

We'll get more on this page as time permits (and your interest is known-- if you want me to include something please, link or whatever, please let me know during the show or shortly thereafter. Much longer and my chances of finding it dwindle. Thanks for your interest.

Tuesday night's show produced two requests... the story on that newly discovered element-- administratium, and a tale of cows... we thank World Net Daily for the former (check out their wonderful site at www.worldnetdaily.com) and Nick in Thousand Oaks for the latter.

NEW ELEMENT DISCOVERED

A major research institution recently announced discovery of the heaviest element ever observed. This new element has been tentatively named "Administratium."

Administratium contains one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 111 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312, as a result of unpredictable quantum fluctuations, in a dimension in which the usual rules of mathematics and logic do not apply.

Those 312 particles are held together by a weak force known as morons, surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Administratium has no electrons and is inert. However, it can be detected as it impedes most reactions with which it comes in contact. A minute amount of Administratium causes many reactions to take more than four days to transpire, which in otherwise normal, unimpeded conditions would typically take less than one second.

Administratium has a half-life of three years, and does not decay, but instead undergoes reorganization, in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons and assistant deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Administratium's mass will actually increase over time, because each reorganization causes some morons to become neutrons forming isodopes. That characteristic of moron-promotion leads scientists to speculate that Administratium is formed whenever morons reach a specific quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical Morass."

DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who put a tax on your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money, buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous. Barbra Streisand sings for you.

SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So?

COMMUNIST: You ahve two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk. You wait in line for hours to get it. It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull and build a herd of cows.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE: You ahve two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the second one. You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows. You go to lunch. Life is good.

JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also demand 15 weeks of vacation a year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION: You ahve two cows but you don't know where they are. While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. You break for lunch. Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You have some more vodka. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka. You produce your 10th five-year plan in the last three months. The mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

TALIBAN CORPORATION: You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which is two. You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. At night when no one is looking, you have sex with both of them. Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.

POLISH CORPORATION: You have two bulls. Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

FLORIDA CORPORATION: You have black cow and a brown cow. Everyone votes for the best looking one. Some of the people who like the brown one best vote for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither. Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally a bunch of guys from out of state will tell you which is the best looking one.

NEW YORK CORPORATION: You have fifteen million cows. You have to choose which will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

The first time I saw that cow tale, it went like this:

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. Give one to your neighbor.
COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and promises you milk.
FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you milk.
NAZISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain.
CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and by a bull.

Perhaps my biggest request...How to contact the CCrane Company online: click here

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn the sucker off and be sure to tell your Mom!